pick me up now, i need u so bad

how can things be so fucked-up for me? i just keep losing things that are important to me. today i lost it. fuck. why did i lose it? how can i have lost it? fuck. went up and down orchard road looking for it. in vain. fuck. why is my life so fucked-up? damm sian.

kicked my toe against the wall when going for training..now the nail's bleeding inside. fuck.

tmr's competition again. hope i dun fuck-up.

why why?
thanks whoever is above..Fate..whatever. thanks for reducing my life to such a miserable state. thanks for the fuck-ups.

been having fucked-up days recently.. exams are over..nat champs are going on..but what i wanna blog about is today! bloody fucked-up day. freaking pissed.

went to SPE with ben to move our boats back to school. once we reached there, it started raining heavily like nobody's business. tmd. so...we were utterly drenched without any spare clothes at all. and we were moving around 14 boats with only 2 people. wtff. not to mention the paddles, lifevests, spraydecks and helmets. just pissed only. upon reaching school...i realised i left my handphone's handset in my pocket..taking it out only to realised its totally wet. left it on the floor while moving the boats into the cage. when i came out, the handset's gone. fuck? some fucker just took it while we were moving boats la. its just gone in a matter of minutes. screw that asshole who took it. made me freaking pissed off. not to mention that my wallet was soaked too..making the namecards and everything freaking wet and soggy-like. a note's ink was smudged all over my ez-link card and ic. knn. fucking rain. fucked-up day.

why do i always get fucked-up days like this? argh.

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did
I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight
I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did
And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back
'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

these days just plain sucked. had one paper already..dunno if its good or bad. hope everything will be smooth-sailing..but thats asking for too much. i find the pressure's mounting these days. i feel so lonely. so alone. no one knows how i feel in the inside.

one say to take things in my stride. i just think that all the screw-ups are just coming wave after wave and i am crumbling under this pressure. its too much for me to handle but who cares? no one cares. pple only care when they see this entry or when things start to happen..its too late for that. i dun need concern anymore especially not when it comes in an overdue time..when i need it the most, its not there. So let it be. let me be. let me indulge in these precious moments by my own, away from the world, away from reality.

i may look alright on the outside but i could be dying in the inside.
oh wells..no one really cares..do they?

down.

the more i think about it, the more fucked-up i feel.

wtf.

so bored and free to the extent that i decided to change my blogskin once again. bwahaha.

BBQ-ed Marshmallows. lol.

simple and cute.

had 2 friendlies over the weekend. SP on saturday, Redtide and Nat team on sunday. The team is still not good enough at ALL. i suck too. deproved ALOT in keeping..dun even know how to survive nat champs. i wanna train hard but there isn't enough time. the whole team do not have the flow in attacking at all. i wonder how are we able to achieve our target in nat champs and to make an impact in the competition.

i need motivation and drive.