pick me up now, i need u so bad

start of the new week and it sure ain't good to me. setbacks and bad stuff aplenty..my disappointment in my motivations, devotions and capabilities. what on earth am i doing??? standing at the side like a passer-by with no aim when i should be doing something; anything. where is my focus? where is my optimism? where is the action? i know wat my aims are but i'm seriously not doing anything. can someone just give me a push?

den..heard from someone about his family problem..i feel for u. why do this kind of stuff happen in life? why do i keep hearing bad news from everyone around? is the world realli tat bad? can life be better?

lastly..to those who have any qualms about how i look, y i'm still like no change..well..too bad. live with it. cos i'm sick of ur comments..it may be the way i train, it may be my fault..but i'm also trying to change myself to so LIVE with it. after all..I'm only human too. =)

okay. yesterday was my birthday and thank you everyone who had made the effort to wish me happy birthday. realli a BIG thank you. =) anyway..today i was like totally VIOLATED by the canoe guys la. right after the debriefing..i could sense all the guys gathered around me..needless to say..i jus made a break for it. Running as fast as i can across the field..i was still caught thanks to weilong. That crazy guy jus rammed me to the ground like a rugby player would. After tat..my legs were taped up with some duct tape..real uncomfortable la. den the guys..tinking i'm secured..shouted at me to run with my legs taped up. And den..with some burst of strength, my legs jus tore the tape and i started running again. and obviously..it was weilong who caught me again and we skidded along the field. argh. after that..i was taken through the usual ritual..dumped in the bin, pinched all over, and being kicked and whacked. They even poured Johnson Kids Shampoo on my head la..although it smells great. lol.

Oh..and hong gay was also pulled in and dumped for always borrowing other pple's shampoo. HAHA. let that be a lesson for u! heh. yea. tis kinda sums up my bdae. maybe gonna ask my friends out and go drink and club! =))

atwhy is it tat everyone around me is getting down and out? hate to see tis from happening..i'm no exactly a happy person myself either but i wan to see my frens be happy. is my unluckiness rubbing off on them? =X how i wish i'm able to make everyone's life better..how i wish i'm more capable of being a better person and take the initiative more instead of jus standing at the side and waiting for time to pass without doing anything.

sometimes i wonder..does being a senior realli gets u the respect u deserved? somehow i dun tink i'm getting the respect i deserved. everyday i let her use the com until 11+ and she still got the cheek to talk back. u demand ur equality, i demand my respect. where the heck is it? every night i have to wait till over 10+ or 11 jus to have the modem for the internet and she can still use it like nothing's happening till i spoke. its not like i dun have lessons in the morning..she can use the com since coming back from sch while i have trainings and stuff and only reach home at night. she still has the cheek to say she has schoolwork to do? wtf? den all the f***ing while what have she been doing? always downloading some movies or taiwanese dramas to watch..like...wow? u got the time to do that and u dun have the time to do ur work. puh-lease. go think about ur freaking actions b4 u talk back at me..i'm sick and tired of all this bickering. SERIOUSLY. SICK.

Seriously i dunno what to do..contradicting thoughts going through my head..pessimism and optimism are on a head-to-head crash course. Confusion reigns in my mind now. Will there be a drastic change? May things jus look up? or will my life jus go down..? seems like only time will tell now. i jus can't seem to do anything right..

This has gotta be one of the most tiring work days I had in months. Firstly I was one of the few 'lao jiao' and then, the restaurant had allocated all of the new staff to be working the late shift as in the closing of the restaurant. That means i had to do all the work lar. Those new pple all know nuts about doing the work. Had to give them instructions and do all the work. see them do things real slow oso pek cek. Even my supervisor and manager oso buay tahan lo. Haha. At the end, i was only released at 1045 like that when i'm supposed to leave at 1030. Somemore not all the stuff are done lar. sian..dead tired now. har.

just a song that i found to be quite meaningful to me.

What day is it And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you
Something about you now I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive