pick me up now, i need u so bad

Sometimes i wonder if God or whatever is above is toying with me or what. To have to endure such a scene was nauseating. Blood-boiling. Heartbreaking. Can't fucking believe my eyes. Why did this have to happen to me? God..isit that fun to play tricks on me??

Of all the people..it was....Fuck. every thought that came across my mind is negative. I struggle to control my emotions but its so hard..all the beliefs that i try so hard to hold on to are breaking apart. Perhaps looks is everything. Even now..tears well up in my eyes when i think about it but does thinking do any good at all? Rage and jealousy cruised through my body but wtf can i do? I dun even deserve to be angry in the first place but why the hell am i so pissed? People asked me not to think so much and to forget about it but i simply can't. Maybe this time i'm really serious about my feelings. I'm totally helpless in this situation. I'm better off dead now. Fuck everything that went wrong. I just can't stand the pain now. Its tearing me apart. I have lost the will for every single thing. EVERY FUCKING SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE. The cold hard truth is staring at me right in the face. I wanna run away from reality, run away from the truth. Spare me the torture. End my misery.

(pardon my usage of expletives but i jus simply can't control my emotions now.)